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Our goal, then, is to strike a balance between the equally destructive forces of hypo- and hyperstress, to find as much eustress as possible and minimize distress ...
Once we really understand stress, each of us will be his own best physician, for no one can appreciate your mental needs better than you yourself. Everyone must learn to measure the stress level at which he personally functions best and then not go either above or below that. By careful self-observation we can gradually develop an instinctive feeling telling us that we are running above or below the stress level that corresponds to our own nature. In practice, no refined chemical tests can do more for you. I know when I have just "had enough of it," and then I stop. I don't need any complex scientific machinery for this.
Judging -what is best for us personally is a matter of training through experience, which everybody has to acquire for himself. But in this task we can be greatly aided by a thorough knowledge of the basic natural laws that have been clarified through research on stress. You must learn to balance the pleasures and stimulation of social engagements, trips and successful work against your requirements for peace, solitude and serenity. Everybody will arrive at this aim in a somewhat different manner, always characteristic of his own individuality. Some understand their inner needs through meditation and silence; others may only find their own stress level through danger signs such as insomnia, irritability, indigestion, headaches or depression, first of all, we must learn to analyze and be honest with ourselves.
Then, step-by-step, an intelligent person -will usually succeed in developing his own techniques, limiting his unnecessary telephone calls, his participation in social life, committee meetings, civic activities, etc., which he has blindly undertaken because "they were expected of him." This will leave much more time to do other things at which he is really good and which may be more useful both to himself and to society. Don't accept social obligations that people try to impose upon you if you dislike them. "Worthy causes" are not natural obligations and will only bore you, so disregard them. Do what you like and respect, without worrying about criticism, scandal or even all the money that you lose by deviating from generally accepted standards.
If you read the daily papers or watch news programs on television that do not interest you, just give that up and turn your attention to other things that you find more edifying. Don't allow the verbal terrorism of others to give you guilt feelings. Instead,
save your energy for activities that are really meaningful.
"Even if you have the misfortune of having badly chosen your wife, at least choose your occupation wisely, because you will spend much more time with it than with her." I do not remember the author of this advice but, in any event, I fully agree with him — and by "occupation" I don't mean only your job, but whatever you decide to do throughout each day.
You must satisfy yourself first of all. Pleasure will come only from what you have done to earn it. As much as possible, try to awaken the creativity that may lie buried in your subconscious mind. Whatever steps you must take to exteriorize your talents, the accomplishment of this is the basic prerequisite for your development and satisfaction. It really doesn't matter whether you are a scientist, gardener, poet, musician, athlete or even a beachcomber; the essential thing is that you unfold your personality as far as you can, and thereby achieve happiness.
You should try very honestly to establish what you consider a noble aim in life, a goal worthy of your efforts, a pursuit which gives you maximal satisfaction. This is not always easy. You must be extremely sincere with yourself; you have to remember to choose only what you really want to do, not what your parents, friends, neighbours, teachers or preachers have virtually brainwashed you to do. To establish this is of the utmost importance because it helps you avoid some of the major frustrations in life, which are the principal sources of distress.
After that you must fight hard to attain your goal, but always stay within the limits of your capacity to withstand stress. We must learn how to face life gracefully from what we have established about the actions of syntoxic and catatoxic hormones. We need to
know how to accept defeat •when it is not worthwhile to win, or when the goal we have set for ourselves turns out to be unattainable; but -we must also fight stubbornly until death if under given conditions, without defence, death would be inevitable anyway.
Source: Hans Selye, The Stress of My Life (Toronto: McClelland and Stewart, 1977).
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